college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
