I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
