im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
