Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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