I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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