I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
