I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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