Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
