Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize