Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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