Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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