actually, I'm a sock model
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
