What a fucking waste of an outfit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
