I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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