just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
