a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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