i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
