you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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