I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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