About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and she was petting her beer can
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
