i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
