Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
