We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
