Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
