I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
