Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
