i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
