Got a toothbrush?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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