Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
