I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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