I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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