remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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