I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
