didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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