More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
