think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize