He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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