I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
