I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
