Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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