I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize