Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
