I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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