She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
