Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
