She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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