where am i from again
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
