Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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