DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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