So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
