I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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