shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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