I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
