the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
