I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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