I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
