i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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