I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize