I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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