Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
