so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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