First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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