I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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